The Extras
by Bitten by a cow
Summary: Well, all the extras from Yo ho had to go somewhere! So, here they are! Alternate endings, Deleted scenes, interviews, and chocolate!
1. Alternate Ending 1

Hello, again. I know, the last one was the Epilogue, so what could this possibly be? The Alternate Epilogue and fifteenth chapter. But read the original thing first, so you can see where I begin in this one. Right. So, without further ado, here is my Alternate Ending.

Chapter 15:

Once, Twice, Thrice (cont'd)(cont'd meaning I begin in the middle of the last chapter to make a different ending)

Aravis stared at his eyes, not sure...Barbossa had told her that they didn't need him anymore, but...

His brown eyes locked with hers. That was it. She couldn't do it. She dropped her sword, feeling pathetic, not being able to just get it over with. They stared at each other for a long time, not saying a word; not sure what to do. It was horribly late, but neither wanted to leave.

"Love..." Jack began, and Aravis' eyes swelled up with tears, but she refused to cry. She shook her head.

"It will never work out between us, Jack. We're both traitors. We would never be able to work it out." Those words stuck Jack like a thousand needles.

"You're right." She stood up, and picked up her sword, and headed out the door.

"Good-bye, Jack."

_Yeah. This is the alternate chapter, so Aravis isn't quite a Mary-Sue. Yeah. (sob) Now, to the (sob) Alternate Epilogue._

About a week later...

Jack was sleeping peacefully on his bunk. The bunk of _The Black Pearl_. He had reclaimed it, and he and Aravis had married themselves, without a proper procession, but hey, they were pirates! He dreamed about the reception that they had made, and the code was, instead of a dance, the couple would have a sword-fight. They had clashed swords for about an hour, until Aravis had pulled him close and kissed him, in front of the entire crew.

Now, Jack was sleeping peacefully, with Aravis sleeping on his chest.

"Captain! Time to wake up!" shouted Gibbs, and Jack opened his eyes. Aravis was not there. She was still in Tortuga, and this ship was nothing more than the _Interceptor_. They were still headed for Port Royal, to get the _Pearl_. It had only been a dream.

That, my friend, or enemy, or rival, or neutral, is the end of our Alternate Ending. (sob)

_Yeah. I put all my credits in the last chapter, so all I have to say is, thank you to everyone. Please tell me which ending you like better! The original ending was the happy ending everybody was expecting, and this is the realistic ending. Yeah. That's all. Thank you. _

-Bitten by a cow


	2. Alternate Ending 2

Hi! Okay. Now, one of my Cyber-Friendity reviewers (in English that means e-buddy) told me that the original ending seemed cut short. And I agree with her. So, here is Alternate Ending 2. WHAT! How can there be TWO Alternate Endings, you ask? Well, this one is another way that Jack and Aravis get together. Yep. Now, quick note: This is a long Alternate Ending, so expect more chapters to this Alternate Ending. Yes, there are chapters to this Ending! Woot! Yeah. I cut in the middle of chapter fourteen, so...yeah.

Alternate Ending 2:

Chapter 14: (cont'd)(and, once again by cont'd I mean cut in the middle)

Tortuga

_The Faithful Bride_, an inn and bar, home for many hobos, pirates, troublemakers, fugitives, and sailors. It is named ironically, for there isn't such a thing in Tortuga, but Jack loved this place. To him, it was home. He ordered a drink, and sat down, trying to spot Aravis in the dirty, smelly crowd. He saw her.

"Love!" he called, and waved around his bottle of rum. She saw him, and easily found her way through the crowd.

"Jack! There you are! I got rooms. Here's the key. Room 2008. Is Will here?" she asked.

"Um...yes! There he is!" Jack shouted to Will, and he came up, with a lady.

"Jack, since you're leaving me here-"

"We're not," Aravis cut in.

"Oh? Is this true?" Will looked at Jack inquisitively.

"Yes. You may come with us. We may need an extra sailor like you." Jack grinned sheepishly. Will showed the ladies to each other.

"Elizabeth, this is Aravis Naja. Aravis, this is Elizabeth Swann." The two girls shook hands.

"Well, Ms. Swann, I guess we will be sleeping in the same room, while, Will, here is your key," Aravis said, handing Will a key. "And Ms. Swann, here is yours. Our room is 2007." Aravis also handed Elizabeth a key.

"Well, Mr. Sparrow, will you take me as well?" Elizabeth asked. Jack grinned, but it wasn't sheepishly at all; it was his trademark grin.

"Of course, Ms. Swann. A pirate-" Aravis elbowed him. "-sailor needs his bonny lass." Elizabeth smiled but remained silent, while Will tried to figure out if Jack was insulting him...or what. Jack broke the silence. "Well, best be to get some sleep, since we have a lot of sea to cover tomorrow," he decided, and gulped down his last bit of rum, waved to the group, and walked up to his room.

"Goodnight, Jack."

"'Till tomorrow, young Mr. Turner."

"Goodnight, Aravis."

"See you in the morning, Ms. Swann." And with that, the two girls tucked themselves cozily into their covers.

The next morning, Aravis woke up surprisingly late. It was even more surprising when Jack was standing in the doorway.

"Good morning, love." Jack stared at her grotesque bed-hair. "Love, you look awful." She rubbed her eyes.

"Good morning, Jack." She had serious bags. He looked at her, and he could tell that she still wasn't quite there. She went into the bathroom, and washed her face. She shut the door on him, and got dressed. She opened the door, and bushed past him. Aravis slid her way down to the breakfast room, which wasn't very crowded at all, because most of the tenants were still drunk and asleep. She ordered some ;) toast, and sat down. Jack sat next to her.

"So, we go to Isla de Muerta, but what are we going to do after that?" he asked while she took a bite of her ;) toast.

"Um...then we can go back and get your ship, and then go to the Aja Tournaments," she said, with her mouth still full. Jack smiled. She was still kind of out of it. She finished her ;) toast, and stood up. Well, he had to help her up. Her already clouded mind started getting bubbly. Bubbly with new a grand new emotion, in her dreamy and half-asleep state. She grabbed his hand, held it as they walked to the dock.

Will and Elizabeth had already gotten ready, packed, and on board. It was, in fact, past noon. Elizabeth was given the duty of cleaning, something she dreaded, for she was the Governer's daughter. But, after persuasion- Jack's threatening to leave her in Tortuga-she agreed. Will was assigned to keeping the weapons nice and polished. Crevan...was the lookout. Sure, she talked to a box, but she had good eyes, and wouldn't mind spending hours by herself-if Boxy was there. Even if she hated it at times, she could not bear to part with it.

Aravis was in charge of cooking, since there was no one else that could actually cook more than ;) a piece of toast. Jack, obviously, was in charge of the wheel. Gibbs and the rest kept the ship in tip-top shape.

Right now, Aravis didn't need to do anything, because supper was past. She was still terribly tired, and still feeling bubbly. Perhaps she'd drunk too much rum. At any rate, Jack didn't mind a bit that she was resting on his chest while he steered. He didn't mind company at all. And, since she was still way off in dreamland, she didn't care about showing her feelings in front of the crew. She was still awake, just barely, but she was drifting farther and farther into slumber. It was comfortable, his chest, the ship swaying up and down with the waves, and his hands gently sliding over hers when there was a rock or formation to dodge.

Eventually, her eyes drifted shut, and her brain shut down. Jack didn't mind at all. Gibbs whistled when he turned around as he tightened a rope on the main sail. Half the crew gaped, and started whispering to each other.

Crevan sat back on the on the bench, and kept talking to Boxy. "Wow, Boxy. I didn't think Jack would ever give himself up for just one girl," she said, looking at the painted sky. "I mean, I knew he was a womanizer, but he was always a more than one womanizer," she joked. "But, it appears that one special girl can change all that."

Meanwhile, two hearts pounded, each reaching, stretching, screaming for each other. ;))

_Holy rum, she's hot._

_Dangit, why haven't I ever said it to him?_

_She's leaning on my chest, and she's sleeping..._

_Gosh, dangit! He's so..._

_Come now, Jack. She'd kill me. And then there would be no more Captain Jack Sparrow. But really, she so..._

_Hot. _

Aravis opened her eyes. "Jack?" She looked up at him. He didn't look back at her, because he had to keep watch on the sea. It was actually the smart thing to do, but she lost her momentum because of it. She sighed softly at her lack of will power. "How close are we?" she asked.

"Can you hand me the compass?" She reached over, and grabbed the compass, while he kept his hands on the wheel. He took it out of her hand. That touch, that feeling, zinged through her nerves. She shook her head lightly, trying to pass these thoughts. He popped it open, and turned the wheel slightly. "Not too far." He smiled down at her, forgetting about the sea ahead. She met his gaze, smiling as well.

"Well, Boxy, I think...hm, it shouldn't take too long. No, not too long at all."

;) COCOA PEBBLES!

;)) You guys can all kill me for that one.

_Does anybody know what people did in the Olden Times to keep their teeth clean? Because they didn't have toothpaste, but if nobody brushed their teeth, the world would smell a whole lot nastier. And they'd get infections! I dunno...anyway, I finally got bored of not having an actual story, so I decided to keep going with my real story. Aren't you guys all excited that I updated! Sure, it's short, but still! Well, be THANKFUL, YOU BLOODY MAGGOTS!_


	3. Alternate Ending 2 Epilogue

Hey, people! Yes, I made the next chapter of the second Alternate Ending! Anywayssssss...Happy Little Ditty number...WRONG! Oops...wrong story...anyway, I have a special treat for you guys today. Anamaria...(cough) I mean...it's a secret...

Alternate Ending 2:

Chapter 15 (and it's not cont'd this time!)(at all)

Once, Twice, But Not Thrice

Jack was actually slightly enjoying Aravis' forwardness. Though, it was more of a sleepiness. The rest of the crew thought it was odd, but they ignored it. All of them, except Anamaria. She had disguised herself and made it on board. Now, she brought a pitcher of water up to Jack. He immediately recognized her.

"Anamaria. What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Watching you," she said sarcastically. "Here's some water." She lugged it a few more feet, and then "accidentally" spilled it-all over Jack and Aravis, and walked away. Aravis nearly flew out of her skin.

"Agh!" she screamed, and Jack chuckled. "Oh, gosh...please don't say that I..." She looked self-consciously around. She blinked several times, then turned to Jack. "Dangit, Jack." She glared at him for a moment, then gave him a good, hard whap, and stomped below deck. Anamaria was satisfied. For now.

"Ah, Boxy, she's still resisting."

After an hour or two, Jack finally got up his nerve and asked Anamaria to take the wheel. He was going below deck. Anamaria hesitated, but eventually, with much of Jack's silver-tongued charm, agreed to take the wheel. He went below.

Aravis' door was shut and bolted. Jack sighed. There was a call from inside.

"What do you want?" she asked sharply. Jack groped for words.

"Love...about today-" he began, but he was abruptly cut off.

"Just forget about it, okay? I had a hangover." She bit her lip. Jack remained silent for a moment. But quietness did not overtake them for long.

"The crew don't care...you could come back above deck-"

"I don't want to. I'm...doing something. Just call me when we get there." Jack sighed, but gave her a little bit of respect and went back above deck.

Aravis sat on her bed, her eyes wet and staring at a piece of paper. She kept going over the same line, over and over and over and over again. "**_We don't need him anymore_**." We don't need him anymore. Those five words kept circling over in her head, never leaving her thoughts, never leaving her mind. She and Jack were on ends, or so it seemed, but she couldn't stop thinking about him. He was the thought, the feeling, that haunted her, angered her, soothed her, amused her, charmed her. He was the person that could make her blush.

"Dangit, Jack." She shook her head.

She felt her cheeks get hot when Jack opened the door, and said quickly, "We're there." She swiftly pulled herself off the bed and out the door. But it was in the short time that she passed through the door that she got a horrible tingling feeling on her hand.

Jack had barely touched her hand, but she could feel the warmth of his hand rise up to her cheeks, turning them a bright red. She turned around to see him slowly following her, his trademark smile catching her eye. She smiled back at him, then turned back around and hurried up the steps.

The rocky clefts of Isla de Muerta rose high above the waves, and the cove opened up to them. They saw _The Black Pearl_ inside the cove, anchored and deserted. They went deeper inside the cove in the lifeboat. Aravis and Will sat on opposite sides as Jack rowed silently.

"Well, if it isn't Jack Sparrow." Jack winced at the voice. "And, missie! Who be this one?" Barbossa stood on the mound of gold, gloating down at them. Jack and Aravis exchanged uncertain glances.

"He's William Turner," she said, hoping for the best.

"Aye." Barbossa nodded, then motioned for them to come forward. They did, and he led them to a large chest. "Keep watch on him," he said, looking at Jack. Pintel and Ragetti ;) nodded, and stood next to Jack. Jack and Aravis looked at each other again, as if trying to read each other's minds. Jack frowned.

"Wait...how do you have the _Pearl_ if it was just at Port Royal?" he asked. Aravis answered him.

"They stole it back. Right after we left." She tried as hard as she could to hide her red face. All of a sudden, Crevan darted up to them.

"Jack! _The Dauntless_ is right outside the cove!" she reported, with Boxy at her side. Jack smiled.

"Thank you," he said, and smiled at Barbossa suspiciously, who, by now, had a knife at Will's throat right over the chest. "You don't want to be doing that, mate." Barbossa looked up.

"And whyever not? Should I not spill his blood?"

"No, no, by all means, spill his blood. But the British navy is waiting outside for you. So, first kill them, every last one." Jack had picked up a few coins, and was now putting them down with each word. "Every last one." He stretched out his hand, but Aravis saw it. That flash of gold. She looked at Jack, who merely grinned. Barbossa didn't notice, for he was thinking about what Jack had said.

"Aye." Barbossa nodded. "March!" Jack looked at his mutinous first mate.

"Not to the boats?" Barbossa only chuckled and shook his head. Aravis looked at him, and he winked at her. She grabbed Jack's hand.

"Jack." She motioned with her head toward a private little spot away from Barbossa. He followed her, and looked at her inquisitively.

"What, love?" She didn't answer, but looked around self-consciously. None of either crews were there, and Barbossa was turned away from them. She looked up at Jack, and he tried to read what she was thinking, but-

There it was. She pushed herself onto him, and their lips met yet again. He backed up against the wall. His hands went around her waist, and she put her hand up his sleeve. She pulled his sleeve back, and she felt a little piece of metal. She grabbed it, and broke off him.

"Sorry, Jack." She dashed away as Barbossa came at him, sword raised. Jack ducked, and pulled his sword out in the process. Aravis looked on with guilt. The two men went at it, clashing and banging and thudding around the cave. The sound of swords clashing together over and over again and again. After a minute, Barbossa let down his guard, and Jack gutted him. Barbossa only sighed, and pulled the sword out, ready to run through Jack.

"Perhaps we'll see each other again someday," Barbossa taunted, and raised the sword. Jack was against the wall, unable to escape. "Good-bye, Jack." He pulled up his strength, and brought the sword downward. It smashed against metal. The metal of two swords.

;) I love those guys!

_Yeah, I know that it's short. But...yeah. Okay, I have to explain something first. This is a little different from the original, okay, so, for the first twenty-four hours you have a medallion(if it was you who took it from the chest), you have to have it on you. After a full day, you're stuck. Okey-dokey? Yeah, that's all. Well, I suppose I could keep going..._

"Love!" Jack exclaimed. Aravis had her two swords blocking Barbossa's blow. Aravis kicked him, and he fell over. She turned around, and looked at Jack.

"Dangit, Jack." She smiled, and he grinned. He grabbed her, and pulled her close.

"Is this for real?" he asked.

"Yeah," she whispered. She giggled, and they kissed again, in front of a very shocked Barbossa. He just gaped at the couple, who were now making out. They stopped after a moment, and Jack pulled out his pistol. They heard a slicing of flesh, and the shot of a gun. ;)) Barbossa stood up.

"You wait ten years, and now you waste your shot." He smirked.

"It wasn't wasted," Will contradicted, as he let go of the last medallion, and the bloody piece of gold hit the chest of coins. Barbossa pulled open his shirt, and blood poured out directly over his heart.

"I feel...cold." He fell backwards onto the gold-piled ground. Jack and Aravis grinned at each other, and shared yet another kiss.

;)) That sounded awful.

_To the Epilogue._

About two months later...

"Dangit, Jack!" Aravis shouted, cornered. Jack had his sword on her throat, and he just smirked. She smiled again, and kissed him, in front of the entire crew. She had on an almost-fancy shirt and pants, and she wasn't wearing her shawl. She didn't need it, because all of the crew knew she was a girl. Jack had on his same old every-day clothes, and didn't give a care.

The rotting-but still good-sails of _The Black Pearl _ flapped around in the wind. The sea sprayed up in their faces, and the wind blew their hair around. The open sea lay ahead of them. They were home.

_Anyway, I had all the credits in the original, though I think I like this ending better. Oh, and I know that some of the lines are the exact same, I meant to do that, just so you know, so no flames, please! Anyways, I did forget one credit. I give a bigg ol' thanks to Keanu the camel, for cooperating, helping move the sets, help Jack's cheek to swell up (those teeth are sharp!), for carrying the two lovebirds, and for not quitting because of the disgustingness of the fluffiness. Um...and for hooking up the computer. So, I think you'll get more jobs sometime soon! Thanks! And thanks to my reviewers! Y'all are so AWEXOME! _

-Bitten by a cow


	4. Crevan and The Boxes

Hi! Yes, I had to put on one more thing. I just thought of this as I made the last chapter, and I decided that Crevan should get her own chapter. So, here it is. Yep. It's not fluffy at all! Yay! And it's really short! Like a Happy Ditty!

Chapter 16:

Crevan and The Boxes

Crevan walked deeper into the cave. There was an opening, so she decided to explore it. She lit a torch to see-

How could it be? The love of her life! The things she loved most! Everywhere! The smell of old cardboard filled the room. It was a room full of boxes.

"Boxy! It's all of your brothers and sisters! And your aunts and uncles! And your grandparents! And your piratey friends!" She looked at a few boxes that had eye patches and earrings. There was a mound, a hill, of pure boxes! Empty and nice, with their own cardboardy spice! It was practically heaven to her! "YAY!"

She jumped on the pile, and stretched out. She made box angels, she told them stories, and she showed them her sword. She made a castle, made completely out of boxes, perfectly balanced, and perfectly cardboardy scented. She decorated it with some gold from the other room, and hung her bag on a rack of boxes.

"Boxes! Boxes! Boxes!" she chanted, and danced around in a little circle. Then, she constructed a bed out of boxes, and lay down on them. She pulled over her a blanket of flat cardboard, and set her head on a nice, thick box. Then, she fell asleep in her box paradise, Boxy at her side.

_Just so you all know, her name is pronounced with an E like in chest. Crevan. Okay? Yeah. Please review and tell me what you thought! Um...I kinda like it...'cause it don't got no fluff...like marshmallows...or something..._


	5. Interview 1 Keanu the Camel

Okay, so, have any of you aspiring authors gotten talked to by your characters? You know, they come up to you in your brain and start talking to you, and sometimes tell you what they can do? Well, it happens to me, and Keanu talks to me (ALL THE TIME! HE NEVER SHUTS UP!) sometimes, and a few days ago he told me that he wanted to get interviewed. So, here he is. The one, the only, the real...

Interview #1:

Keanu the Camel

Fan-girls screamed outside the TV recording studio, and banged against the door. Keanu the camel sat in a special folding chair made specially for him. On it was a patch that said "I'm hot". The interviewer sat in a nice tan squishy chair, across from Keanu. "So, Mr. Keanu-"

"Please just call me Keanu. Mr. Keanu sounds too formal," Keanu interjected.

"Right, sorry, Keanu-what's it like to be an animal celebrity?"

"Well, I wouldn't call myself a 'celebrity'-" Fan-girls outside the door made a battering ram out of an anti fan-girl and were making their way through the door. "-but it's interesting. I get to be on magazine covers, I get the paparazzi, I get to be in major motion pictures, and I still get to sleep in!" he said excitedly.

"I see. So, you like to sleep in? When do you get up in the mornings?"

"Morning? What's that?" he asked sarcastically. "Well, it usually is past lunch by the time I wake up, but I won't say anymore because my alarm clock gets defensive."

"Your alarm clock gets defensive?" The interviewer looked at Keanu strangely.

"Yes, he does. He also doesn't like it if I press the SNOOZE button. He says it's a restricted thing, that only he can touch, because it's special and I have to get up by two. I mean, uh..."

"You get up at two?"

"Yeah, so what? What does it matter if I stay up late?" Keanu rose from his chair. "Does that BOTHER you? I thought this wasn't supposed to be a personal interview!" He got really close to the interviewer's face. "Am I not GOOD ENOUGH? Fine then! Have your crappy TV station! I don't care! Good bye! See you later! I'm leaving!"

Keanu picked up his chair, headed out the door, and was piled on by rabid fan-girls like he was a piece of steak and there was a colony of ants. He sighed, and simply strode along under them, as they rolled over, and were unable to hold onto him. The anti fan-girls created a procession to protect him, and used a nearby venus fly trap ;) to keep the actual fan-girls away.

"Wait!" The interviewer tried to get to him, but he was cut off by a million rabid fan-girls. They soon saw that he had a camera, and decided that it had footage of Keanu, so they formed a mob against him. "Ah, bloody...CUT!"

;) Those are so AWESOME! I want one!

_Okay, well, that was interview number one. Please tell me what you think! Thanks!_


	6. Deleted Scene 1: Jack and Ciara

Hi! Hm...well, since today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, I decided to give everybody a special treat! That's right! A DELETED SCENE! Okay, here we go.

Before we do, can I ask you guys something? Is Aravis a Mary-Sue? Please, if you leave a review, please tell me what you think. I tried really hard to make her better, but I have the nagging feeling that she's a Sue. Well, here we go. For real.

"So, Miss Bitten, what is this scene?" the interviewer asked.

"Well, it is a deleted scene as a special treat for my reviewers," the crazy authoress replied.

"I see. What is it about?"

"Um, it's in the part where Jack and Aravis and Will are talking about Ciara-the girl who has a crush on Jack-and Jack is remembering what happened."

"I see. Is that all?"

"Yep."

"Okay...well, Miss Bitten, let's see it!"

"Okay. ACTION!" The little black thing that looks like a cardboard piranha shut its jaws.

Deleted Scene 1:

Jack and Ciara

"Girl?" Aravis asked.

"Yes, girl. I might have saved a girl's life, and that particular girl might have been the owner of an inn, so she might have named it after me," Jack explained.

"Oh! I get it now," Aravis giggled. "Some girl you saved had the hots for you!" Will raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah..." Jack remembered exactly what had happened...

_"AGH! HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY!" Jack heard someone scream. He decided that he could take a minute or so out of his horribly busy schedule to help someone in great need. Besides, there might be a good profit to reward his heroic actions. Months later, Jack would wish that he had simply ignored the scream and continued on his way. _

_"Turn right here...watch out for that boulder..." Jack said to himself, laying out the map of Aja in his brain. Ahead, he saw a girl running away from a pack of vicious wolves. The front wolf, the one closest to her, was gaining on her. Its teeth ;) were bared, and uninviting, and they nearly caught her. Jack lunged at the girl, and they rolled into a nearby ditch. The girl gasped at the sight of Jack. She was backed against the low wall of the ditch, while Jack lay beside her. He leaped up, and the pack of rabid dogs retreated when Jack pulled out his sword. _

_"Oh, thank you!" She practically leaped onto him with an affectionate-Jack wasn't feeling very comfortable about now-hug. But, his face tore downward when she grabbed onto his chest. _

"CUT!" Bitten screamed from her megaphone. "That was awful! Pigeon, your costume got all messed up!" Jack's skin and clothes tore off completely, to reveal the same pigeon that had carried Aravis' note in the next few chapters.

"I'm sorry," he squeaked. Ciara put her hand on her forehead.

"Come on, man! This is the fourth time!" she whined. "I really hate this whole thing! I hate the touching of your skin! It's gross! And I always feel like I'm gonna break you 'cause you're so light!" She started pacing. The real Jack and Aravis were sitting, about ten yards away, eating chocolate pie.

"Calm down, Kendray! It's not that big of a deal!" Aravis assured her, her mouth full of pudding. Bitten was mumbling odd nothings.

"Arg...I knew we should've had Keanu do it..."

"Um, I don't mean to be rude, but why isn't the REAL Jack doing this?" The Uncredited Pigeon asked, glaring at Jack.

"Because!" Jack shivered. "You don't expect me to actually save the wench, do you?" Aravis laughed.

"Thanks a lot. It's not like I picked that dress," Ciara protested.

"Okay, you guys! You really gotta get it right this time!" Bitten commanded, and everyone returned to their places. "ACTION!" The scary little black cardboard (holy crap that's a lot of adjectives) piranha shut its jaws again.

;) But, Wolfie! What big teeth you have!

_Yep. Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Arg, ye maties! Review or I'll gut ye spleens!_


	7. Interview 2 Crevan the Insane

Hello! Since it's still International Talk Like A Pirate Day, I decided to make ANOTHER interview! Okay, well, here goes!

Interview #2:

Crevan the Insane

"So, Miss Crevan, did you like being in _Yo ho, Yo ho, A Pirate's Life for Me_?" asked the interviewer. The same, annoying interviewer with huge glasses and a bald spot in the middle of his very round head.

"Yes, it was fun. I truly wasn't acting, to be honest..." Boxy, the REAL Boxy, sat next to her in the nice, tan, squishy couch. The box moved a little bit as a puff of wind blew through the open window. "Boxy! That's not nice! I know he has dorky glasses and a nerd-cut but that doesn't mean you can be rude!" She flicked the strange box. The interviewer fumbled around self-consciously with his hair.

"Well, I understand that you are in fact the real owner of Keanu the camel, is that correct?"

"Yes, it is, sir. Keanu is my beloved camel. He hasn't taken much of a liking to Boxy, but maybe that's just because he talks a lot." The interviewer (his name tag said Bob) raised an eyebrow at the mysterious box. No sound came from it, nor did Crevan speak for it. It just sat there.

"Um...okay...so, what do you do when you're off work? In fact, what is your work?"

"Well, I work at McDonalds. Sure, it's greasy, stinky and fattening, but it's good and cheap. Boxy says he likes it. Keanu likes getting free apple pies." Boxy moved a tiny bit as she changed her postition on the chair. "Yeah. Boxy says his favorite is the fries. Anyway, what I do when I don't have work, I mostly take care of Boxy, and Keanu, and make sure Keanu doesn't throw any "Surprise Parties" with any of his friends, and I do some of the extra stuff for Yo ho."

"That's...great. What are your hobbies?"

"Well, I like to make box sculptures-"

"What exactly is a box sculpture?"

"It's a sculpture out of boxes."

"Oh, right."

"Anyway, I like making box sculptures, and I like taking care of my animals."

"I see. What are your animals like?"

"Well, Keanu is the troublemaker, but he always sneaks his way out of things. When a new CD comes out, he's usually the first to buy it and bring it home. He dislikes the name Ryu gave him, which is Niles. He usually doesn't talk around strangers, but he's a real chatterbox when it comes down to it. I had a good time performing with him in Yo ho.

"Then there's Behrooz. He's the early bird, the nice camel, and the good piano player. He's not the best actor, but he actually got to perform a song in Yo ho. He played the ending melody when Jack and Aravis finally got together. He also was in the orchestra in Napoleon Dynamite, because Keanu dared him to.

"And Ryu is the only girl, so she likes to add a bit of her feminine touch to the house."

"Feminine touch?"

"Yeah. She goes around and finds all the hidden root beer cans, and she dumps them out, and refills them with colored water. She likes Keanu, but he doesn't share her feelings. She also is the one who is a vegetarian, so I have to make sure to never put meat on her plate, or she has a fit."

"Uhuh." Boxy flew off the chair when Crevan stood up, but she caught it.

"DANGIT, BOXY! I TOLD YOU TO NEVER EVER **EVER** TRY TO RUN AWAY AGAIN!" She chucked the box at the wall, but then felt horribly offended. She turned to Bob. "How DARE YOU! Throwing my precious baby at the wall!" She gave him a good, hard, relieving slap. Well, it was relieving to her, but it was believing to be hurting for him. "YOU BLOODY FART! HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY PRECIOUS!"

"Everything all right in here?" Keanu asked, as he poked his head in the door. Crevan suddenly dropped the interviewer-lucky for him he didn't fall out of the open window-and grinned at Keanu.

"Keanu!" She checked her watch, and picked up Boxy. "Let's go. I have to work in half an hour, so we have to move!" She brushed past all the equipment and cameras and got to the door in a hurry. Keanu just stood there, very confused. "Come on!" Crevan pulled Keanu along. "We have to GO!"

"Okay! Calm down! McDonald's can wait!" Keanu coaxed.

"NO! IT CAN'T! IT'S IMPATIENT!" She threw a fit, so Keanu decided-for his safety, and for the safety of all the cameramen, and if she got really angry, possibly the safety of all the people in this skyscraper-to just go along with her. She started boiling, and he thought he saw smoke coming out of her ears. He picked her up, and plopped her onto his back like a sack of potatoes. Bob the interviewer dashed out the door.

"WAIT!" Keanu turned around and growled. For a Ohioan (that's totally a word) interviewer, a growling camel is the scariest thing you're ever gonna see. "HOLY CRAP! CUT!" And he ran away, mortified by a growling camel.

_So, what did you guys think? Come on! I'm making these SPECIAL extras for you and you don't even say thank you? What is this world coming to? Anyway, if anyone has any preferences on who should be "Lucky number three or four or possibly five", you know what you have to do! You got it! REVIEW! Okay, bye now. _


	8. Interview 3 Boxy the Box

Hey, guys! It's still International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Well, since I was on a roll, I decided to let Boxy have a turn. That's right! Boxy gets interviewed!

Interview #3:

Boxy the Box

-Translated by Crevan the Insane

"So, Mr. Boxy-" Bob the interviewer was cut off by a blow of Boxy's top cover-flap.

"Oh, he says calling him Boxy is just fine," Crevan interpreted, and sat down on the comfy chair once again, with Boxy on his own stool.

"What is it like to be...a box?" The box flap waved a little bit.

"He says it's lots of fun," Crevan explained, and the box continued flapping, "because he doesn't have any chores, and he gets pampered all the time, and he gets to be famous and lots of girls love him-" There was a bang at the door.

"Like, open up, Mr. Lame-o Bob! We like, wanna see Mr. Hottie! And you are like, SOO not him!" Boxy's cover flaps shut themselves. The door got a hole burst through it, and a swarm of rabid (oh no, you know who) fan-girls poured through. "BOXY!" They all mobbed over to the special box, and the girls asked for autographs, pictures, kisses, and-well, they didn't ask for it literally, but they were ASKING for it-a slap. From Boxy. Somehow. Because boxes can slap people MEAN! And it don't feel too good. So, after the leader got black and blue, the other girls screamed and ran away.

"So, as I was saying..." Bob got back to the current topic. "What do you do for fun?" Boxy opened up again.

"Yes, Boxy, they're gone. Nice slap, by the way. Well, he says he likes eating French fries, watching intense movies-especially Wait Until Dark, that's his favorite-he likes listening to music-especially jazz, because he LOVES jazz-he likes playing the trumpet with Behrooz's piano playing, and he likes polka, whether he's watching it or dancing to it. He also enjoys Six Flags-especially that one great roller coaster that goes down and then up and it's like a big U but he can't remember the name-, funnel cakes, and the Hurricane-the amusement ride, not the natural disaster-every July.

"He's glad he didn't have a big part in Yo ho, because he knew he'd get MORE fan-girls, and with the amount he already has, he'd be going nuts. He was also glad that I was there, because he gets a little homesick sometimes, my poor little baby...yes, I've told him more than once that he needs to stop pulling on my apronstrings, but he still relies on me most of the time."

"I see." Bob scratched his head. "So, what was his favorite part in Yo ho?"

"Well...he's deciding." The little box moved its flap and scratched its side. "Um, he says that his favorite part is probably either when Aravis gets eaten or when she's remembering her past. He says those are his favorites because they're intense. He kind of got sick of the making-out all the time, but he withheld his anger." She paused. "Are there any more questions?"

"Yeah...um, has he ever read the Lord of the Rings books?"

"Yes he has."

"And who is his favorite character?"

"Um...he says 'Definitely not Legolas.' Boxy, his question was who is your FAVORITE character, not who is your LEAST favorite character. What? You know? Okay. So, who's your FAVORITE character?" There was a pause as Crevan deciphered Boxy's movements. "Oh! Yeah! So is the author of Yo ho's! He says his favorite character is Pippin."

"Then who is his favorite character in the original Pirates of the Caribbean?"

"Um...he says the monkey. He'd say Jack, but then everyone would think he meant Jack. As in Jack. Like, Jack Sparrow. Yes, Boxy, I think they get the picture now..."

"So who is his least favorite character?"

"He says it's Davey Jones. Oh! He thought you meant in the other movie. Sorry! He says probably Elizabeth, because she's a wench. Boxy! Thats not nice to call someone a wench!" The little box rolled it arm-flaps. "Don't you roll your eyes at me! Sorry, child problems...any more questions?"

"Has he ever seen Napoleon Dynamite?"

"Yeah. His favorite character is...Pedro, and his least favorite character is Trisha. Because she's...what did you just say, Boxy? BOXY! We're on the air! Watch your mouth, young man!" Crevan coughed loudly. "He says she's not very nice." She glared at Boxy for a moment.

"Well, that's all the time we have for today, so, thank you, Boxy, for letting us interview you, and thank you, Miss Crevan, for translating for us. This is Bob the interviewer, from _We Like Interviewing People_, goodnight."

_Have any of you seen Wait Until Dark? It's an old movie, but it's REALLY good. Why don't I have that in my profile? I dunno...I'm a gonna go put it up there. Like right now. And you go and watch it. It's great. Okay, guys. If any of you have questions for one of the characters, tell me and I will put it in. If it's an already-been-interviewed character that you want to be asked, then I'll make them get interviewed twice. That was a terrible name. _We Like Interviewing People_? Did I really make that? That was awful! Okay, I'm done._

_No, Boxy is definitely NOT based on me._


	9. Interview 4 Gore Verbinski

Okay, guys, I am on a roll! Four interviews in one day! Well, I did them on different days...but I'm giving them to you on the same day! Be HAPPY! Okay, here goes.

Oh, yeah! I get to be the interviewer on this one!

I kinda make fun of DMC, but not too much. Mostly it's an anti-JackElizabeth thing.

Interview #4

Gore Verbinski

-Interviewed by Bitten by a cow, not Bob. Bob wasn't special enough to interview Gore.

"So, Mr. Gore," Bitten began, and motioned to the brown couch. Gore Verbinski sat down. "Which movie did you think was better, the Curse of the Black Pearl, or Dead Man's Chest?"

"I definitely have to say Dead Man's Chest, because it had a lot more intense scenes, a bit more romance, and more plot." Bitten snickered.

"Are you serious?" She giggled for a couple of minutes, but then she saw his stern face stay very statue-like, so she stopped laughing and turned back into an adult. (yeah, right) "Well, did you actually like the Jack/Elizabeth scene?"

"Yes. It went so well with the plot. It was magnificent. When Keira first mentioned it, I felt a surge of passion for the blending of these two characters!" Bitten 's eye twitched. "It was wonderful! It was her and Johnny's best performances! It was so grand I had to get a Kleenex box to keep from letting a pool of my joyful tears to spill all over the sets! It was so great!"

"Good gosh."

"I mean, I've never seen anything so superb! It was breath-taking! Stunning! Heart-lifting! Wondrous! Romantic! Genuinely-"

"Okay, man, I get the picture." She put her hand on her forehead, trying to cool down. "You seriously LIKED that part? I LOATHED it with an utter vengeance! It went so wrong with the plot! It was awful! When Keira first mentioned it, I felt a need to regurgitate! It was horrible! It was her and Johnny's worst performances! It was so terrible that I had to use the toilet to keep from barfing my grand macaroni and cheese lunch all over the TV screen! It was so bad!" Gore looked on in silence, but she just kept making fun of him.

"I mean, I've never seen anything so sewer-ish! It was breath-taking, all right! If you mean breath-taking as in all those who saw it gasped for air in their horror! Stunning, meaning you want to stun THEM with Magnums! Stomach-lifting! Basically, it was a pile crap!"

"But-"

"I'M NOT FINISHED YET!" Her anger shut him up. "Do you realize that somewhere in Africa, there is some 12-year-old that you have traumatized? And now he is in an ASYLUM RAVING **RANDOM** **_NOTHINGS!_**" She had started talking really fast, and now she leaped up, and glared down at him. "And just because of one little Jack/Elizabeth scene. I guess maybe he was overreacting...or NOT! Seriously, I've have to kill some one now that I remember that!" She looked mischievously at him. Bob the interviewer stuck his head in the door.

"You know we're still on air, right, Bitten?" he asked. Bitten only grinned at him.

"CUT!"

_I know this has nothing to do with Yo ho, but I felt like doing it. I don't actually know what Gore Verbinski is like, or if he actually thought all that crap; heck, I don't even know what he looks like! He could be some hot model for all I know! Anyway, I don't own Mr. Gore, PotC, 1 or 2. Yeah. _


	10. Aravis' Beginning

YAY! More Extras! I haven't done one in a while, so I decided to treat you guys with one! Yay! Ok, whatever. Let's begin.

Aravis' Beginning:

As told by Bitten by a cow

(interviewed by Bob the interviewer)

"So, what is this again?" Bitten sat, hunched over, on the nasty brown couch. (it had once been tan, but...let's just say there was an accident)

"It's an interview."

"Why I am getting interviewed?" Bitten blinked in superiority (more like tiredness) at Bob.

"Because a reviewer wanted to know where Aravis came from," Bob said.

"LIES! YOU SPEAK LIES!" An angry, tall girl with dark brown hair (and possibly a bat) leaped into the room, and strangled him with viciousness.

"Ok, actually, Aravis wanted to draw attention to herself." Bitten dropped her head and sighed.

"Ah, she's so selfish. I wish had made her cooler. But, oh, well, she's lame and there's nothing I can do about it." Bitten clicked her grotesquely long nails on the armrest next to her. Bob made faces at the huge amount of dirt (and who knows what else) gobbed beneath her fingernails.

"Your nails are disgusting," he said bluntly, and she jerked her head up, with a big grin on her face.

"I KNOW! HAHA!" Her face turned serious for half a second. "You should see my toenails." Bob swallowed. Her face melted into pure laughter. "I want to grow them long and curly so I can uncurl them and reach the bottom of my fish tank without my hands getting wet! Ahahaha!" She giggled like some little three-year-old. Bob bowed his head in sadness. Bitten coughed. "Anyway, back to Aravis." Bob lifted his head up again.

"Good idea. So, where did Aravis originate?"

"Well, to be honest, she came from a bunch of things." Pictures of a shark and a cave-man flowed into Bitten's mind. "Actually, I think part of her came from Gerudos, a race in the game of Zelda, specifically only in _Ocarina of Time_. 'Tis a famous game, and it's very good, and even though the graphics are terrible, well, they were good back then-" Bob cleared his throat. "Right. Well, see, the Gerudos have two scimitars, just like Aravis. That is where that came from. They are also excellent fighters, so you can see where that trait for her came in.

Her name is from _The Chronicles of Narnia_, by C.S. Lewis, the exact book being _The Horse and his Boy_. Though, the Aravis in that story has almost nothing else in common with my Aravis-" Aravis somehow leaped onto the outside of the window and stuck there, and started screaming.

"I DO NOT BELONG TO ANYONE! I AM MYSELF! YARG!" She banged her head against the glass. Bitten turned around.

"Jack, did you forget to give Aravis her depressants today?" she called.

"Dangit, sorry about that!" was the sheepish answer.

"Yeah, sure you are," Bitten mumbled.

"So, what else did Aravis come from?" Bob asked.

"Actually, I think her own traits started to form after that, but her eyes were very unoriginal, and her so-called "beauty" was not, either. Honestly, if you see her in real life without the make-up, she's actually-"

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT ME?" screamed from the chimney. Bitten sighed, but then an evil grin spread across her face.

"Get the chim-sweeper! Haha!" Bitten coughed. And hacked. And choked. "Ew...what is that?" She peered at the end of her tongue. "Ew..."

"Miss Bitten!" Bob said suddenly.

"What WHAT?" Bitten half-screamed.

"We're not done with the interview," he answered calmly.

"Oh, ok." Bitten stopped looking at her fingernails.

"So, where did the part about camels come into place?"

"Well, that trait obviously came from me. I mean, I'm saving up to go to Milwaukee, 'cause they got camel rides there!"

"Isn't that, like, five days away?"

"If you use your sister's crappy Buick, yes, but if you go by BIRD! By PLANE! By...SUPERMAN!!! Or maybe just a regular F-14 with turbo thrusters!" Bob sighed.

"Well, I think we can be done with this interview." Bitten remained on the couch. "That means you go home and leave."

"This ain't your place, now is it, Mr. Bob? Besides, I think _Rurouni Kenshin _is on right now, and my only TV with cable is here. Now LEAVE!!!" She booted him out the door, flipped on the TV, and sat down. The theme song for her favorite Anime started up, and she sang along. "_All the memories I have are beautiful in my mind! _Doo doo..._guess I just can't trust _TRUST! _Them after all!_" And the world ended as a giant meteor smashed into the earth.

_Yay! Mesa isa happy! I gots a catfish! Yay! And he's TINY! Yeah. Honestly guys, my fingernails have grossed out more than one person. Hehe..._

_Aw, dangit! Now I've got that song in my head! Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cheroo, good luck will rub off when I shake hands with you! ARG!_

_Guys, yes, I know I'm talking too much, I've recently started watching _Rurouni Kenshin _with my sister. It's AWESOME! Yes, it's an Anime, but it's really funny. And stupid at the same time. Yeah. You know, you guys dissapoint me. NOT ONE OF YOU HAVE SAID WHO YOU'D LIKE TO INTERVIEW!!! Yes, Bitten is done with her lashing out now._


	11. Keanu and Ryu!

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Behind the Sets:

Keanu and Ryu?

"This is Behrooz, taping off-screen views of Keanu and Ryu the camels. It is a starry night, the temperature is promising, and the moonlight shades everything in a pale gray. Keanu is staring at Ryu, who is lying on a sand-hill only a few yards away. The moonlight serenade is romantic...the imaginary music is breath-taking. Keanu stares at her, and feels something he's never felt before..."

♪ _Tale as old as time...song as old as rhyme..._ ♪

"He slowly walks toward her, never taking his eyes off her shimmering fur..."

♪ ..._it can never be..._ ♪

"She meets his eyes..."

♪ ..._love that never ends..._ ♪

"He climbs to her, only three inches from her lips..."

♪..._song that never bends..._ ♪

"They stare at each other, basking in the moonlight..."

♪ ..._tale as old as time...song as old as rhyme... _♪

"His limbs rush forward, his eyes close...

♪ ..._Beauty and the Beast... _♪

"Their lips seal, holding fast to the true factor that they never thought possible..."

♪ ..._lyrics to _Beauty and the Beast ♪

"Holy COW! Are Keanu and Ryu MAKING OUT?!" Crevan shrieked. Behrooz put his hand on his head.

"Man, I was getting juicy footage! You just HAD to go and yell in my ear, and mess up their romantic moonlight serenade. Gosh! I'm so ticked at you now!" He snorted and walked away. Crevan began thinking of devious plans.

"Hm...he left his tripod and camera here...hehehehehe..."

"Extra! Extra! **Keanu and Ryu the Camels found kissing on the very set of _Yo ho_!** Read all about it! **Ryu found with ring-bracelet on her arm?** **Camels due to be married on Thanksgiving Day!** Only fifty bucks for the _Camel State Journal _here at Miller's! Get a beer, relax, and read all about the Camels! **Camels plan to leave on honeymoon for the Bahamas on December 2th, and plan to be back by Christmas! Sorry, ladies, Keanu's taken!**" called the little newsboy.

"Good night, did you tell them everything?" Behrooz asked, as he read his newspaper.

"Yep," Ryu laughed. She hugged Keanu.

"MUAHAHAHA! I will get her..."

_Why on earth do I do this crap? Behrooz just told you what happened, except he DIDN'T say that he booted Keanu forward, so "their lips sealed"..._


	12. Interview 5 Behrooz the Camel

Here's another interview! It's of Behrooz. He was voted in by...the other camels. Yeah. Here goes.

Interview #5

Behrooz the Camel

-featuring explanations on the beginning of the Camels' herd AND extra details about Ryu/Behrooz

"Alright, Mr. Behrooz, what do you do?"

"Well, I'm a pianist." The larger camel (larger as in height, not in weight) sat upon the now green couch. (it's snatural)

"What do you play?"

"Well, I do all sorts, but mainly jazz, and a little bit of the waltz." Behrooz was adorned by flower necklaces, and a herd (cough) trio of slightly-calmer fan-girls were curled up by him. They fanned him, they gave him chocolates, and they massaged his feet.

"So, I heard you played the main piano piece in _Yo ho_. How did that go?" Bob scratched his head, possibly in envy of the three fan-girls (who were actually calm, because they were the three specially-picked by Behrooz himself) who were helping his every need, or perhaps because he just needed to move around the lice.

"It was...well, it was a little too boring for my taste, to be honest."

"Oh. So...are you Crevan's 'top dog'?"

"I suppose you could say that."

"Does she give you any responsibilities or privileges that the other camels don't have?"

"I don't think that's something I can say on the air."

"Well, do you have any news on Keanu and Ryu? I heard that they went to the Bahamas."

"Yes, well, I think that's their own business."

"Oh, Behrooz! You can tell them! And if you won't, I will." Crevan sat across the room, listening patiently, and handing Boxy fresh french fries at the same time.

"Fine, fine, fine." Behrooz smiled. "Well, as you might or might not have heard, they recently were wed, after they decided that 'they were right for each other', as Ryu would put it." He leaned back. "They took a really long time, as far as camels go. I think we filmed for four or five months, and there was all the planning and crap before that. We've been a herd since...I think after The Will Turner Bashing Series, Crevan, Boxy, and I met Keanu. After that, we met Ryu in the lighting department and Crevan bought her from an Arabian who was in charge of the lights. So, after the first two months of filming _Yo Ho_, we had gotten to know each other, and we formed our 'herd'."

"Don't forget, Behrooz, that you and Ryu were together for a while," Crevan added, throwing him a fry.

"You and Ryu were together?" Bob asked in wonder.

"Yes, we were together for about...maybe five and a half weeks. After that, we knew we weren't the right types. For one thing, she's like my little sister. I have to take care of her sometimes, and sometimes I have to back her up, and sometimes I just need to tell her she doesn't know what the heck she's talking about. The other thing is, I think we're actually distantly related. For camels, being together is alright if you're not of the same direct line. Like, you have to be second cousins or beyond to be 'together' permanently. Even if not, it just didn't seem right." Behrooz stopped for a minute.

"So, do Keanu and Ryu seem right?" Bob asked.

"Do be honest, yes. They seem just right. He has his calm side, and she has hers, but then they both have completely different personalities. Like, I think you already know that Ryu's a vegetarian, but Keanu can't go fifteen minutes without his beef jerky," Behrooz chuckled.

"Are you going to be in the sequel to _Yo ho_, _The Dead, the Dying, and the Very Tan_?"

"Only a small part. I play a part with the Kronos Quartet near the end as Aravis and-" Crevan leaped up and smacked her hand over his mouth.

"You're not allowed to tell the ending, remember?" she reminded him, shaking.

"Right. And I'm a random passerby, too."

"That's all?" Bob was hunched over. Still.

"That's all." Behrooz arose, and with him his three fan-girls. "Well, I gotta run, I'm doing a Minuet at one of Kaden and Kiley's plays."

"Okay. CUT!" Bitten walked in.

"Nice job man, nice job."

_Advertisement for one of my stories!? Bitten actually CONGRATULATING Bob!? Ryu and Behrooz!? Okay. Sounds purdy cool to me!_


	13. Revenge

Okay! Hehe! Boxy meets my gerbils! Whoot!

Ultra shortie!

Revenge:

On Boxy!?

-possibly part one

Boxy (somehow) creeped up to the poor gerbils' cages. He slowly popped open both cages, and snatched the corn right out of their food dishes. He must have thought it was popcorn, because he "pop"ped the corn into his mouth. Bad pun. But, the gerbils liked their "popped" corn. They were MAD. They tip-toed closer and closer to the edge of their cages as Boxy stuffed his...(self?) box with corn.

Then, like lightening, the leaped out of their cages and landed...inside of him! Obviously, it wasn't full of red guts or cheese or anything. Just corn, and some other random doo-hickys. ;) Their eyes went red. The corn was _mashed_. Unedible, unwantable. But, they had a different plan in mind.

They jumped to opposite sides of him, and found loose places in both sides. Then, they did what all gerbils do.

**Chew**.

Part TWO!

or three and a half

Boxy had never dreamed in his short life that one word could be his doom.

**Chew**.

Luckily for him, Crevan heard his arm-cries, and dashed to his aid.

"NASTY MICE!" she cried, and tried batting at them with her stick. They, however, were much too quick to be caught by her quick, but not quick enough stick jabs. Even though their small expressions on their small faces never changed, she almost felt that they were glaring at her. She felt like they were _sneering _at her. She grabbed a net from...the inside of a grandfather clock nearby! 'Cause everyone has grandfather clocks with nets in them! She smashed it down to the floor as fast as a doorbell rings, (? mach 1/90, perhaps?) but no luck. The gerbils were winning.

"Everything okay in there?" called Behrooz, and he appeared at the door. "Hey! Gerbils! Sweet! Gerbils are yet wild in the desert! And-" he looked harder at the two who were desperately trying to escape Crevan's mad blows. "Al and...Spice!?" He grinned, and reached down to pick up his two small furry friends. ;)) "Bye, Crevan! I'm going to go take my long-lost desert buddies to Arby's! Bye!" he said, and left Crevan crossing her eyes in anger and anguish, while Boxy nibbled on some more corn.

;)) Behrooz knows the gerbils? I didn't know that! BEHROOZ! WHY THE HECK DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!?

;) That's a word, believe me!

_Yeah. Hope you liked it! Hehe! BYE!_


	14. Camels!

New Extra! Yay!

The Start of the Camels:

Question?

-as told by Bitten by a cow

"So, Miss Bitten-"

"BITTEN!" said person screamed. Bob plugged his ears. After a few minutes, she stopped screaming, and he took the ear protectors off.

"Bitten, where did the camels come from?" he asked.

"Well, they came from the desert, stupid."

"I mean, how did they come into existence?"

"Um, a girl and a guy camel had babies! That's fairly obvious, Bob. I might have to lower your pay for your stupidity..."

"No, I mean, where did you come up with the idea of camels? I mean, not many people think of camels."

"Well, for one thing, they are waaay awesomer than your wig, or...you, for one..." She coughed. "I mean, uh, this Arabian dude came to town one day, and he was selling camels. So, that's how I Behrooz. Well, actually, Crevan bought him, because she had done a few films before _Yo ho._"

"Such as?"

"Well, she helped us write _The Will Turner Bashing Series_."

"Then how did Keanu and Ryu come into the picture?"

"Ryu was owned by an Arabian who was in charge of the lights, but he was selling her because he didn't have enough time with his new lighting job, so Crevan bought her, too. Yeah. Then when we were filming, we went to a distant island, and they really were selling camels, and Aravis really bought Keanu. We just caught it on film, so we had to add it, to show how Keanu came."

"Oh, so that's why it seemed so cheesy."

"EXCUSE ME?! You calling CAMELS cheesy!?"

"No, no...all I meant was-"

"You are FIRED! After ALL I've done for you, and you turn on my precious CAMELS?" She stood up, angry and menacing. "You are fired." She wrote him a five-dollar check, and kicked him out. "Sheesh! Some people!"

A few hours later...

"So, after Keanu came, how did Crevan end up getting him?"

"Aravis decided that he ate too much, and she couldn't pay for him-" she snorted, "-and so Crevan bought him."

"I see. When did Boxy come?"

"He was with Crevan when she and I met. I've known him ever since."

"So he's really the second oldest of the group?"

"By when they came together, yes, but he's actually..." she lowered her voice to a whisper, "only two years old."

"Is he REALLY?" Behrooz cackled, as that was who was the new "Bob". He was wearing an ugly wig, and he was hunched over, so that the fans wouldn't smear him over the sidewalk in their love for him. The two gerbils were perched upon his shoulders, with little ties. He couldn't stop cackling. He laughed, and laughed, and laughed...and Bitten just sighed, glad to be done.

_Yeah. Behrooz is my favorite camel, I think. I mean uh, (cough)..._

_AHH! I keep having dreams that my gerbils have BABIES! AHHH!_

Behrooz had finally stopped his hysteria, and was back to consciousness. Keanu was in the back, playing with his slinky. _SHhhhiiing! _went the slinky. _Shhhhhliiiingga! _

"So, who, in age, is the oldest?"

"I honestly don't know." She coughed, "Behrooz won't tell me, and Keanu won't tell me either, but we know that Ryu is six," Bitten said. _Shiiiingaaadiiiinnngggaa!_

"Which, is actually a new adult in human years, correct?"

"Yes." _Boooiiiinnnnngggshhhhhhaa!_

"What about Crevan?"

"She doesn't know." The dude from Conspiracy Theory popped up.

"NOBODY KNOWS! NOBODY KNOWS! NOBODY KNOWS NO'S NOSE! AHHH!" and he fell out a window. Or somethings. There was a silence for a moment. _Bashhhhhoobbbbaaaddaaashhhniiii!_

"So, when-" Behrooz was interrupted by a horribly loud slinky noise. _BOOOOOOOSHHHti! _"When did you meet Crevan?"

"Six-twenty seven-'o six."

"Okay…"

"That's when I met her, but that's just like meeting an employee. We got to be friends after the Tortuga scene in _Yo ho_." _Shawiiiing!_

"Really?"

"Hey, look! There's a terd-juggler out there!" Kiley cried all of a sudden, and everyone peered out the window where she was pointing.

"Sweet awesomeness!" Kaden exclaimed. The terd-jugglie was juggling himself and the (you know what) in the air. _Shwiiingggi! _went the Slinky.

"PUT DOWN THE FRICKIN' SLINKY!" Behrooz shrieked, and Keanu chucked his slinky out the window, and it landed directly over a (you know what). The End.

Yeah.


	15. Miracle in St Louis!

Bitten has once again been enslaved by her own stupidity, and she cannot be available at the moment. I am no longer the Hamlet of Venice, but...Bitten's evil twin! Buahaha! I am not Bitten by a cow, but...Bitten by a bovine! Ahaha! Here is my finest work:

Miracle in St. Louis!

"Oh Theodore! How could you! You bought the calendar with HORSES NOT CAMELS ON IT! I wanted CAMELS! CAMELS! Theodore I thought you loved me...but now you bought me a HORSE CALENDAR!??! What do you mean there wasn't any?!?!!!! Then MAKE ONE! You have no feelings for me!?! Why!?!?! It's so sad...not really but I must leave you AFTER Christmas so I can get the gifts COUGH I mean so that you may still have a Merry Christmas! So Theodore," (While batting her eyelashes says) "what did you-"

"HOLD IT!" Keanu shouted. He and the other two stomped in. "What were you THINKING!? This is HORRIBLE!" Behrooz coughed.

"Utterly-" cough "-proposterous-" cough "-beyond all hooman life-" cough.

"What do you mean coming in and thinking YOU are the new Bitten by a cow!?" Ryu belted out.

"Bitten by a bovine," contradicted Hamlet of Venice...Lizzy, I mean.

"You are the WORST writer I have seen in all my life!" Ryu was getting worked up.

"Actually, I don't really think you were reading five years ago."

"I DON'T CARE! SHUT UP! I HATE YOU! LEAVE! RID US OF YOUR STUPIDITY!"

"Ryu, calm down, remember the baby, and your high blood pressure-" Keanu began, but was quickly wiped out by the flood of Ryu's angriness.

"AHHHH! IT'S TAKING OVER! I'M GOING DOWN! I'M GOING DOWN! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! HEAD FOR CRASH LANDING!" And she passed out.

"That sure sucks..." Lizzy started on her way out, but was caught by-

"BOXY!" Dun dun dun dunnn! Sorry, sound affects always...seem cool...Everyone gasped. "But I thought you were on your honeymoon!" exclaimed Behrooz. Boxy shook his head, and carried Lizzy away to the prison for mentally and writingly stupid.

"What to DO! What to DO!!!" Keanu screamed. And he did something. "Wait...Boxy went on a HONEYMOON!?"

To be continued...

Now, the continuation!

At jail...

"Lizzy, Boxy wants to know if you'll marry him or not." Bitten stood a few feet away from her friend, who was behind bars.

"..." There was a silence. "Yesith! REJOICE! For today is the day that thee and thou are to be wed in holy matrimony! Thisith day shall be known as the day that I and Boxy are blessed with each other! UNTO DEATH DO WE PART! I am no longer Bitten by a bovine, but Hamlet of Venice!"

And so, Hamlet of Venice and Boxy were wed, and she was able to go back to her Hamlet-type stories. Which will be released…SOON!


	16. True at Heart

_...this is a sonnet. A sad, depressed kind of sonnet. This is the kind of sonnet that will make you weep for days. This story is not for the faint hearted. But if you do enjoy heartfelt sonnets, please read on._

_This story is called..._

_True at Heart_

_My dromedary, that is what he is...true at heart. Well, I shall tell you the story. _

_Six weeks ago, on January 19th, he was simply walking down the sidewalk, heading towards Starbucks for a cup of coffee for his lunch break. He was met by a little girl holding a katana. _

_I cannot say what she said, as she screamed at him, calling him names that are not suitable to call such of his type or race! Truly, no one should call names! But, through her name-calling, he clearly heard this: "Get the heck into the road, you mindless beast! Yes, I mean you, you ugly loaf!" And she held her katana at his neck. He refused. She turned to an innocent old lady who was walking her...donkey. "Then, you dufus, how about you get your yellow butt into the road before I rip the crap outta this old person!" She raised her katana, ready to strike the lady within moments. He kindly agreed, and stepped onto the street. _

_"I will do so, if you will lower your sword." But she did not, and she forced him into the street with the coming onslaught of cars! She kept her katana at the old lady's neck, forcing her, and him, into the middle of an intersection. She pushed them farther and farther, as they luckily dodged three or four oncoming vehicles. The finally got to the middle of a two-lane road, but the girl was not done with her torment. _

_"Now, you block headed piece of crap, get your sorry butt off the road!" But it was too late. A bus roared towards them. It inched slowly towards them, as the seconds ticked by. He saw it, and was able to push the old lady out of the way. He planted himself on the ground, clenching his teeth. The katana girl growled angrily. "You stupid butt! Get outta the way!" The bus hit him, but he absorbed the pain with his large body. Unfortunately, even he was not enough for a bus. He was pushed over, onto the girl. They both ended up in the hospital, her for serious broken bones, and he for a stab that he was skewered upon when he fell upon the girl._

_It was because of his brave heart and her foolishness that got them both in the hospital. Had it not been for he, the girl would not have been in a hospital. She would have been in her casket that she so dreamed of. _

_You know of whom I speak when I say he. Don't you know? _

_That is my story. The moral: suicide is foolish, but a brave heart can save a soul. Well, I am going to go visit my braveheart in the hospital. Behrooz is such a gentleman..._

-Crevan, March 2nd

There's your Easter present. (sob)


End file.
